My Parents Are Moving On ... How Can I?

Dear Dee:My parents have been divorced for two years. Both have new lives, homes and problems.
I think my dad has a girlfriend; if he does, he won't tell me. He always has these calls at 9 p.m. and it bothers me because I can hear them a lot.

Also, he yells and curses and I don't want my little brother to hear them because he already gets into trouble at school. I cry a lot at night, wanting my dad to tell me the truth about everything, and I also want him to tell me why he smokes inside now.

He says it's cold outside, but I'm sure he's lying. My mom is on a business trip now and when I called her last night she got upset when I lied to her about crying. I am afraid she will fight for full custody of my brother and I (we live in two houses).

She always complains she never has enough money. She also has a life of her own. What can I do? I don't want a second mom, and the crying almost every night has got to stop!! Do you have any advice on how to control my life?

Here's the deal. People do move on. And trying to hide that from you is where your dad is seriously going wrong. His unwillingness to talk to you about the possibility of him dating or that he is dating is holding you back in your healing process. And that needs to stop.

See, your parents are divorced. That's a fact and you know it. But if neither one of them are talking to you about what's happening in their personal lives, it makes it difficult for you to really move on, as they have. I think it is imperative you talk to your dad and let him know that he's keeping a secret -- and not very well, I might add. And you need to get the full story.

Also talk to him about the cursing and how it affects you and your brother. Let him know how your brother is already struggling in school and he needs some strong, good influences in his life. This would also be the time to talk about the smoking, if it bothers you.

Now, you're going to have to come to grips with the fact your dad IS or WILL BE dating. Same with your mom. You don't want them to be lonely, do you? Just keep the faith they'll find people are who good to them AND you, and that you will come to appreciate/respect and even love them. It will just take time.
Honey, you've asked for advice on how to control your life. And the best advice I can give you is to realize that not everything is within YOUR control.

Things are going to happen. Your parents are going to do things you don't agree with or approve of or even like. But I think you can be sure they do love you. They're just struggling right now to find their way and find who they are without each other. It will take some time, but be patient. And don't be afraid to talk to them. LET THEM KNOW you're upset and you need help through this, too.