Afraid to Shine

Dear Dee:
I am self-conscious. I don't talk to people in school because I don't want anyone to judge me. I like guys, but I don't talk to them. I also have never been to a real unsupervised party. The worst thing is I never even know who hosts the parties. Can you help me not to be so nervous around people, please?

It sounds like you are your own worst enemy here. You're freaking out about what ‘might' happen. And that is the worst kind of fear. Seriously.

Living like this now will only lead to problems later in life. You've got to get out there and take some chances, even if you're nervous or scared. You'll win some, you'll lose some. But you've got to try.

People ARE going to judge you. Not because they should. But because that's just what some people do. What's important for you to remember is these judgments are meaningless unless you give them merit. What you think of yourself, what your close friends and family think of you -- that's what matters.

Have confidence in who you are and what you have to offer to this world. Look at it this way: By staying to yourself and giving into your fears, you're depriving US of your conversation, your contributions and your presence. Now that's pretty darn sad, isn't it?

You are valuable and have a lot to give. So hold your head up high and start getting out there. The rest will come (parties, dates, friends, boyfriends) if you take the first step.

Yes, you'll be nervous. Yes, you'll probably stumble a little, say something silly and mess up. BUT we all do. It's not the end of the world. They'll be many, many more times when you do exactly everything right and you feel great about it and you make the world go ‘WOW."

So don't stand in the corner. Come out and join the party. It's way fun ... promise.