I Hate Myself

Dear Dee:
OK I am having a problem with my self esteem. No matter what people tell me, my opinion of myself doesn't change. I hate that I can't feel good about myself and I am always comparing myself to other girls and seeing how they are better than I am.

I just don't know what my problem is. I want to feel good by myself and start believing people when they give me compliments instead of thinking they are pity comments.

There are many factors that pour into self esteem and whether a person has high self esteem or not. Home life, friends, school, successes, failures, etc -- they all play a part in how a person feels about himself/herself. But the most important component of building self esteem is actually ‘self' ... you.

Believing in yourself is one of the basic components of building up your self esteem. Self esteem goes beyond how you look, it takes into account all you are -- what you're good at, what you're bad at, what you love to do/hate to do. It's how you view yourself as a whole.

Unfortunately, most of us base our self-esteem solely on our looks -- and that's why it's hard to improve it! But don't sell yourself short. You're more than a pretty face. You're a person with smarts, abilities and points of view that are unique and valuable to those around you. You are a full package. Your looks do not define you.

Stop being so hard on yourself. YOU are your own worst/toughest critic. Don't forget to be proud of yourself when you succeed, and don't dwell on your failures. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn from them and move on.

Also, instead of wallowing in your pity party, maybe start focusing on other people. Take your mind off yourself! Dive into some volunteer work, do some extra credit -- do things that make you feel better about yourself. Do things you can be proud of.

Lastly, hold your head up! Stop doubting your friend's compliments. And believe in yourself. It's all got to start with you. And believe me; you have the power to turn things around.