13 & I'm Invisible

Dear Dee:
I'm 13 and recently it feels like everyone has just been leaving me out. Not too long ago, my friend and I got into a fight. When we apologized and made up she said she lied about me being boring but when I confronted her about it she then said that I was boring but a fun type of boring.

I understood but I still felt like it was my fault she has to put up with me.

Then recently my parents have been getting angry with me for everything I seem to do. They also decided we'd move sometime in March and start looking for a house this week and the next. And when I told them my opinions about why I didn't like the house they didn't even listen.

All they can think about is making money. And it feels like they haven't been listening to me at home either. Nobody seems to care about what I have to say. I want to just lock away my words, but when I tried so many years ago because all the other kids were picking on me, my parents grounded me for being rude and not listening or answering them.

I'm the only vegetarian in the house too, but my parents are always lecturing me about how it's not right or healthy, or how animals are meant to be eaten. Now all I want to do is cry, drop out of school, and wait to die. I don't know what to do.

Parents sometimes think they're doing all they can to act in your best interests, but forget that sometimes, all we really need is to just be heard. Ultimately the decision is theirs -- where we live, where we move to and other life-altering decisions rest in their domain until we reach 18 and move out -- but still, it's nice to know they take the time to hear our opinions.

Especially in this case, I would urge you to tell your parents you really need to talk to them -- not only about your moving situation but about how you feel they aren't letting you in on key decisions. Tell them you understand they don't have to do what you want, but let them know you would like to be heard and considered -- as a viable, contributing member of the family.

Now, you kinda shoot yourself in the foot so to speak if you don't approach this with a respectful and obedient attitude. You must admit to knowing they have authority over you -- and that you respect that. And you also must admit to knowing they will do what's best for you in the end. But show them you're able to make rational decisions and not stomp off when you're disagreed with. That you'd welcome a dialogue.

OK. Now onto your friend ... I hate to say it, but a friend doesn't tell another friend she's ... BORING. That's just uncool. So let's ditch this sister and find some friends who appreciate you for who you are.

Remember you're going through a lot of changes right now -- you're new to the teen-age thing and you're hormones are racing! New experiences and change surround you -- so you're bound to feel like you're out of your element and downright out of control of what's happening.

Dropping out of school, harming yourself or even deciding to curl up and wait it out are all cowardly responses to what's happening in your life right now. And the remark you made about wanting to die is also an overreaction to what's going on. Meet it dead on and take charge of what's happening in your life emotionally. Talk to an adult you trust or contact a professional on one of our hotlines.

I want you to know you are important. Your opinion matters and you have tons of exciting adventures ahead of you -- don't go off the deep end emotionally right now because of some trials -- show you can muster up the strength to get through this. Get some help and be stronger for asking for it. You'll find you understand yourself better once you get through this and you'll be able to look back on it as a huge learning experience. I know you can do it. And I know you can work through it. I will be thinking of you. And please, let me know how it all works out.