Dad's New Kids Taken Places?

Dear Dee:
My dad just got married to this girl who's now my stepmom. They just had a kid. They also have a five-year-old girl who is snotty and spoiled. My dad treats her better than me and my older sister. WE ARE HIS REAL KIDS. Help!

I'm going to give your dad the benefit of the doubt here and say maybe he's not aware of what he's doing.

He's got a new wife, a new baby and he's overly excited, so he's spending his time, energy and affection on this ‘new' family, instead of reassuring you and your sister of how important you all are to his life.

The truth is, sweet girl, you're ALL his kids. If he's agreed to be the ‘father' of this five-year-old (or is biologically, you didn't say), then he shouldn't be any more real to you as a father than he is to them. He should honor that responsibility across the board to all four of his children.

I know it's difficult for you to think of your father being Daddy to anyone else but you and your sis, but he is. And while it's a lot for you to ask to be happy about it, you do need to accept it and make the most of it. It is most definitely a huge and difficult adjustment, but one I know you can make if you just try.

I'd encourage you (and your sister) to sit your dad down and really tell him how you feel about this. Let him know you understand his responsibilities to his new family and you don't want to get in the way of that, BUT let him know you think he's been shirking his responsibilities to you and your sister.

Let him know how much you need him in your life. Tell him how important his love, attention and affection is to the two of you, and ask him to be more conscious of spreading it around to all of his children.

I'd even say to you to let your father know you've been angry at him -- that you're finding it really hard to adjust to his new family situation and you need him to help you deal with the anger. Your father really needs to understand how you two feel. He won't pick up on it through your having a bad attitude or misbehaving. He'll just consider those signs of rebellion, so don't keep him guessing (dads aren't as intuitive as moms are). Lay it on the line and ask him to step up and fix it. And as he does, I know your anger will fade and you'll start seeing things a little differently. Maybe even enjoy having a few new siblings ... all in good time.