Dear Dee:
My friend told me you give really good advice so I thought I'd give it a try.
I'm 13. I had 2 "boyfriends" and both are stil really close to me. Now I have a new crush. He's asked my friend for my number and he send me a text. Since then we have grown way close. I tell him everything, because I know I can trust him. He was there for me for my first choral audition, and for my cousin's funeral.
Well the other day he told me he loves me. and I told him I feel the same way. But he says he's not ready for a "girlfriend". What I don't get is how can he love me but not be ready to actually be with me? I mean I'm not talking about getting way involved or anything. When I say we talk about everything, I mean everything...HELP.
Hey, tell your friend I really appreciate the reference. Now, I am kinda on the spot to give you great advice ... um, hope I am up to the challenge!
I know it sounds silly, but it really is possible for someone to have feelings for a person and not really be ready to advance to the next phase in a relationship. And the fact you two are only 13, makes me kinda appreciate this guy for putting on the brakes.
While I know it is hard for you to hear, count his honesty about his limitations as a real blessing. You seriously don't want to date a guy who's not ready or able to give you what you want out a relationship. And keep in mind he's not saying he'll never be ready to date. He's just saying right now isn't the greatest time for him! So, 'yay' to him for being honest ... now, what do you do?
You need to make sure you're not giving him 'girlfriend' benefits without the commitment. You guys are friends -- that's great. AND, according to HIS OWN wishes, that's all. So remember that. Don't let him treat you like his girlfriend -- because you're not. That's a benefit someone gets when they're ready for a relationship.
Keep yourself in check and guard your heart. And remember, while you both have feelings for each other, you are 13. You have time to figure all the other relationship stuff out later. Dating isn't supposed to be complicated at your age. Sit back, have fun and don't rush anything.
I am a little concerned about your emphasis on 'and I mean everything.' I am hoping this doesn't mean you and your friend already talk about sex. I could be reading into your 'emphasis,' but I want you to be careful. And realize you're only hurting yourself by trying to grow up to fast and get involved in a relationship you're not ready for. PLEASE don't do that.
Enjoy who you are now, the friendships you have now and the opportunities you have now. Don't borrow trouble by talking and experimenting with situations you're not ready for.
You know what I always say ... MAKE SMART DECISIONS. This applies to you when you're 13 and when you're 100 ... It's a great motto to live by.
Loves Me, But He's Not Ready
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2 comments:
i met mike awhile ago and did not want to get involved with him because he had a girlfriend but he persisted, now he says he loves me but is waiting for his girlfriend to call it off because he does'nt want to hurt her. i don't want to keep sleeping with him unless he is ready to commit but can't help wanting him. He is much older than me 31, im 23 but acts very young. should i wait for him?
If you want to stay in contact that's fine but make it clear that he needs to end the relationship with his girlfriend before he begins with you. Besides the fact that if she finds out about you things will be awful to say the least, you will never feel really loved or secure until he is your's alone.Don;t be afraid that he will walk away if you tell him this. It will make him wake up and do what is right for you and him, if he is serious about you and not just having some fun. If he kicks up a stink or tries to dismiss what you say as silly or worrying too much, and again tries to assure you everything will be fine once they break up-just another week, month, etc. Don't believe it! I have been in a similar situation. Remember, if he wants to be with you, why is he more concerned about hurting her, than hurting you? I hope this has helped. It may be hard to admit beacuse u love him, but things WILL only get worse.
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