I Can't Ever Please Dad

Dear Dee:
I am the oldest of four boys. My dad expects me to do everything he didn't do when he was a kid. This means participating in Boy Scouts, soccer, and getting all A's, which I agree with, but soccer and Boy Scouts aren't my thing.

I love basketball and I try to practice one hour a day. He has problems with that. He says basketball was my mom's and her brother's sport and he didn't really like it. He thinks I don't practice because he is at work. But I do. He insults me openly for being lazy and not practicing.

My dad and I sometimes act like best friends and other times he thinks I should be the one who makes him look good. What should I do to make him really get along with me all the time?

There is no way you can learn, grow and experience life by always doing exactly what your dad wants you to do.

You are an individual. You have different interests, opinions and needs. Of course you can share these with your dad and they are shaped by things you experience and observe with your dad. But they're yours.

Parents do often impose their childhood dreams and shortcomings on their kids. It's awesome that they want us to experience more than they did, but they do sometimes forget to ask us what we want.

Your dad loves soccer. You love basketball and are committed to practice it. He should accept that. He should also accept you practice while he's at work. It seems silly he'd think you didn't or consider you lazy. And calling you out on that publicly isn't very nice.

So, you need to tell him so. Either through conversation or hey, how about a little game of one-on-one? A kid who never practices couldn't possibly school his dad now, could he? Take the time to show your dad how you're improving so he can see the practice paying off. Let him know it's important to you that he be involved and active in your practice routine or whatever. SHOW HIM what you're mastering by practicing and shock him with a perfect lay-up or in time, a slam dunk!

You're the oldest and it's an unspoken ‘rule' that parents are usually hardest on the oldest. But more importantly, they're learning to be parents with the oldest. So they're going to make mistakes, too. As kids, we're entitled to let them know when they should lighten up or when something they're doing is hurting us. Just approach it respectfully with your father and I am sure he will see the light -- even if you have to score one on him from downtown to do it.