When Friends Like Friends

Dear Dee:
My best friend, the guy who I've liked for about three years, finally told me he liked me. I've been dreaming of him to say that for the longest time. The problem is, his ex-girlfriend and I had become friends while they were dating.

I feel like a backstabber to her because I've liked him all the time they were dating and even way before that. I'm afraid if he wants to start a relationship, then I'll screw things up really bad with her.

IF I were to date him, I'd lose my friend and I hate the idea of that. If I don't start a relationship, I might lose him as my best friend, and still feel crappy about us never happening. I'm so confused and it seems there's no way to solve this.

What you have to do is talk to your friend about it. Even if you're not specific, talk to her in generalities, about how she feels about her ex and how she'd feel if someone she knew dated him.

If their breakup was a mutual thing and they're still on good terms, she might not care at all. So it's good to get the details and then figure it out from there.

Also, take into account how you feel about changing status with your guy friend. You say he's your best friend -- but now he'll be boyfriend. And sometimes, if relationships don't work out, there's no turning back to ‘just friends.' So consider that as well. It may even be worth talking through with this guy to get his take on the whole situation, too. How does he feel about moving your relationship forward, and is he worried about the consequences this might have on your friendship? These are all big factors and the big elephant in the room is your friendship with his ex ... all very real things to consider when you're making decisions.

Lastly, your dreams do, of course, pay a huge part into what happens here. You've wanted to date your friend forever. Now is your chance. So, do you take it? It's a hard one. What's going to make you feel worse ... losing your friend or missing out on your dream romance? (Remember, it might not live up to your expectations.) YOU CAN make this decision. But remember you have to live with it and the consequences that could come with it.