Dear Dee:
My best friend and I like the same guy. Everyone knows my friend likes him, no one knows I do. He flirts with both of us.
He and I are closer than my friend and him. The thing is, we both really love him. It's kind of weird how much, and we both know each other likes him.
He and I were talking and he said he doesn't like my friend. I really like him and I think he likes me but I'm not completely sure. I want to ask him out but if I do, and if he says yes, I don't want to be called names because of everyone knowing my friend liked him. What should I do, Dee?
No matter what happens here, someone is going to get hurt. Are you OK with that person being your friend and it pretty much ruining your friendship forever? I think the answer to that question will tell you a lot about your friendship and how important or unimportant it is to you.
Also, while I wasn't there when you were talking to this guy about how he felt about your friend, I honestly hope it wasn't a 'sabatoge' conversation -- and you weren't trying to discourage him from liking her. That would be totally uncool. But hey, I know you wouldn't do that. So no worries, right?
Anyway, once you decide if you're willing to lose your friend over this guy, then I think your choices are simple. If you are, then ask him out and get ready for the fall out. You'll have to develop some thick skin because it probably won't be very kind -- especially since everyone knows you were friends with this other girl and knows she liked him. In fact, it could potentially ruin your reputation -- others will probably think you're a little ruthless and kind of a back-stabber. They could also see you as a boyfriend stealer -- even though he and your friend weren't even going out. Lastly, I think you'll probably forfeit the best friend of the year award ... ... Ready to deal with that?
OR ... You could always just let this crush your friend has play out. If he really doesn't like your friend in that way, then more than likely she'll get over it soon and move her crushing attentions to someone else ... THEN this guy would be fair game. It might be hard for you to think about waiting, but I actually think it would best. Then you can probably keep your friend AND end up with the guy in the end. And all you have to do is be patient!
Friends Like the Same Guy
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25 comments:
wow. harsh much? it happens. and i think your advice was wrong. they are most likely in highschool. they arent gonna let a guy their "in love with" ruin there friendship. its for fun. whoever you are you dont have to be such a bitch about this awesome advice you give. and this is not a nice comment. so i guess you dont know me enough to think i wouldnt do this. dont say shit like "but you wouldnt do that would you?" and "i know that you didnt do that." its bull. now try to give out some GOOD advice. i know you can do that, cant you? ;)
I have the exact same problem. My friend likes this guy in our math period we have together. I was giving her tips on how to get his attention and stuff. I didn't care she liked him, i was happy she liked a boy. But then in our math period, our teacher paired us up. Me and my friends crush. I got to know him, and I found he is the sweetest and funniest guy i've ever met. Then i started falling for him. My friend asked the guy if he liked her and he said no. So i already know he doesnt like my friend, but im not sure how he feels about me. He flirts with me often and stuff. And i really like him, but If i end up going out with him i will hurt my friend. God, this sucks. ='(
I have the same problem! my good friend and i like the same guy, but we wouldn't get mad at each other if the other person dated him, even though we're both head over heels.
personally, i think you were a bit too harsh. a girl can't control her feelings. but overall i think you were right... sort of.
I've had this problem before i mean i liked this guy for ages and then my friend met him and six days later she was going out with him even though she new i liked him.
Although it hurt at the time it didnt affect our frendship, were still best friends!
I think if you like this guy so much you should go for it you think its worth it.
hope this helps,
xx
I have the same problem i told one of my close friends that i liked this guy and next think u know she tells me that she likes him 2 but that she thinks me and him make a better couple them them her and him
Wow I have this problem too. Me and my friend like the same guy. I've liked him for 3 years and she's liked him for a couple of months. He says he's not interested in her at all but she won't give up. Actually she's dating a guy from her neighborhood, but she still likes the guy I like. People don't know I like him and they all say that they would look good together, but he's closer to me. He takes care of me and said I changed his life. But if I start going out with him, I feel like she will resent me and I don't want that because she's one of the few people in my school I'm close to. It's not the end of the world but when you become close to someone that way, it's hard to try to be supportive of something that can take that closeness away.
I have the same problem. We both really like him, but I'm closer to him. We both already agreed that we would say yes if he asked either of us out and won't be mad at each other. I would feel bad if I started flirting with him and stuff, but then again I don't wanna let him just pass on by.
Hi Dee! I think your advice was great because you gave it honestly. I like the part with being patient. The truth is that there isn't much you can do in a situation like this, but patience will leave a lot more options open to you in the end. The guy has a mind of his own, the friend has a mind of thier own, and you have a mind of your own. You just have to deal with the situation a step at a time. Eventually with patience we can find all the answers we need and if it's at all worth the worry. The guy's gotta make a choice anyway, and then you dont have to feel guilty if he chooses you instead of your friend because she or he will see that there's nothing they can do about it. If they do something negative, then they were probably never your friend in the first place.
Hi. Well Ive liked this guy named Danny for about a year now. He is sweet but I never knew if he really liked me , all we really are is jst friends. A couple weeks ago all my friends were saying that him and my best friend Daniela would make a cute couple. I never told anyone that I had a crush on him. Well now he flirts with her, but Daniela told me that she doesn't want a relationship anytime soon. I don't know what to do. HELP!!
haha!!!! the exact same thing happened to me!!! the guy asked me out, but i sadly said no... but he knows i like him and he likes me, but my friendbdoesnt know he likes me, im just genna wait till she gets over him cause i wouldnt want to loose my friendship over a guy....... but it is funny cause one of my other friend is like, date him already!!! its funny... but i can wait
i have a similar problem but WAYY different!! my best friend "Madison" and i like this guy "Ian" A LOT maybe even love ... it feels like. he knows we like him and he likes both of us back he flirts with us all the time back and forth but refuses to date either one of us because he loves us both so much and doesn't want to hurt the other ones feelings and both of us dating him at the same time would be wayy too AWKWARD!!
hes even told me that he loved me today well.. actually he wrote it on my arm i don't know about "Madison" i haven't seen her since then today...
I have a similar problem. There's a girl who I've had an off and on friendship ith since the time we were kids. So recently her ex (which I didn't know about at the time) added me on facebook. We started talking and this guy is the most perfect boy ever (for me atleast). We have so much in common and I feel really comfortable talking to him. At the same time I come to find out that he's her ex and she still 'inlove with him'. The only reason why they aren together now is mainly because he wanted a stable relaionship but she said that she wouldn't be able to give that to him. I really like this guy and he flirts with me bacl, but at the same time I know that would feel guilty regardless of how close our friendship is...so I understand how you feel.
i have a very similar problem, me and my best friend of 10 years like the same guy we met at school (not highschool) all three of us are 21 years old my best friend met him first in their u.s politics class, and they use to go out for a smoke after every class. it started with me going into class every morning and seeing them two and the first time he saw me, he said "your in my geography class right?" and honestly i didnt notice just for the fact that i sit in the front and he sits in the back of class. my best friend never actually introduced us, so one day he asked me if i wanted to go out for a smoke after class so we talked for 5 minutes, he asked me what my name was and we were finally formally introduced. now my best friend never actually told me she liked him, i actually thought them two were just two people that started talking to each other just because they had someone to know in class. then he asked my best friend for my number, telling her "i wanted to know if we had anything due in geography" so she gave him my number and so we started texting back and forth, he'd ask how work was going for me, starting asking what kind of music i was into and turned out we had a lot in common and i really started to like him, well on St. patricks day we hung out totally trashed which i agree shouldnt have happened that way and we hooked up intimatly well i didnt tell my best friend at first just because how she is with guys we both know and she finds out i had sex with them, i thought she would've judged me and critized me for having sex with him drunk on the first night, which again wasnt the best idea i respect him more then that but i like him so i went with it. well a couple weeks passed and we hung out again at his house. and a few days after that it was my best friend 21st birthday and i built up enough courage to tell her, turns out she really liked him and thought he liked her to, he even stopped talking to her in class (which he should'nt have done) and she got so mad at me she doesnt want to talk to me or anything, i've had this same thing happen to ME only with a different friend and i didnt get mad at her, i hated him for it i tried explaining to her that i honestly didnt know that she liked him. if i did i wouldnt have messed around with him. now im afraid she told him and he doesnt want to see me anymore i dont want her to ruin this for me just because she got hurt i completly understand why she got hurt but i didnt do it intentionally if i didnt know she liked him, then was it wrong for me to like him? she doesnt know i really am falling for him, just because i dont want to make matters worse so i told her that it was just sex. she called me every name in the book and proposly guilt tripped me for something i didnt do on propose i also hope she didnt tell him "well if your gunna be with her just know its just about sex for her" because thats not true, today we had class and it was super awkward to see each other and after our class i have with the guy he said he had to go to work and he had tomorrow off but was really busy, like he thought i was gunna ask him if we could do something so he cut me off before i even could. he's the only guy i've had a serious crush on for a long time and i thought he liked me to. but if i have to stop seeing him to still be best friends with her i will. i just think its unfair for her to be this way, because for once someone likes me more then her and i know that bothers her because its always been about her and i've been shoved in the background i know that sounds a little cold but she gets more guys then i do and he was more my type then hers so i guess my main question is that was it wrong for me to like him, and espessially not knowing that she liked him until i told her?
Same prob...
So when my friend asked me who I liked, i kept asking her if she liked anyone, and she said no, so i told her. At first, my friend was really happy with me and stuff. Then later on, she said she used to like him too, but on the following day at school, she said she did like him! Its not that akward between us cause whenver we see him we start laughing and doing random stuff. He barely knows either of us, an we make jokes about how he would. The thing is, i cant date. My friend hasnt dated anyone, and shes not sure if shes allowed to. We both have the guy on fb though, and we've made eye contct a few times...;)
i dont think he likes either of us, cause he barely knows us, and hes dated really popular girls in the past. and guess what? my OTHER friend(who likes someone else) told me that one of her firends likses the same guy that me and my friend too! AHHH its so confusing, i need to get over this "crush" :(
I think that this advice it mostly right. My best friend started liking this guy, and he didn't even really do anything. Then he started flirting with me in front of her, and I kind of did it back to him, but I am kind of like that to everyone. But more to him, if you get what I mean. I am the only one who knows that she likes him, and now I like him too. I think the best advice it just to wait and see how he reacts when you bring up the subject in front of him .just causally say:"...wasn't that weird?!..." when you are talking about her. If he says, Yeah, Ms. Best Friend is weird like that." Then he probably likes you more that her. But if he does ask you out, then jus stay yes, and don't tell her right away. Wait a little bit, tell some other people, but also tell then not to tell anyone, and the when the time is right...strike! jk. But before you tell her, cousin her a bit. Compliments, and then tell her that you guys are best friends no matter what, and all that good stuff. Then break the news. If she is mad, she will get over it and be happy for you if she is a true friend. But spend time with w=her after that, but not directly, just be around her, then have you with your boyfriend on one or two occasions, then start talking to her and then once you know that she is over him, talk to her with him there. I have the same dilemma, and this is what I plan to do. Just remember, if you friend is way more important than this guy, and he is just a elementary crush, then don't risk your friendship!!! Make sure that you are taking the small risk that she won't forgive you. Hope this helps!
I think that this advice it mostly right. My best friend started liking this guy, and he didn't even really do anything. Then he started flirting with me in front of her, and I kind of did it back to him, but I am kind of like that to everyone. But more to him, if you get what I mean. I am the only one who knows that she likes him, and now I like him too. I think the best advice it just to wait and see how he reacts when you bring up the subject in front of him .just causally say:"...wasn't that weird?!..." when you are talking about her. If he says, Yeah, Ms. Best Friend is weird like that." Then he probably likes you more that her. But if he does ask you out, then jus stay yes, and don't tell her right away. Wait a little bit, tell some other people, but also tell then not to tell anyone, and the when the time is right...strike! jk. But before you tell her, cousin her a bit. Compliments, and then tell her that you guys are best friends no matter what, and all that good stuff. Then break the news. If she is mad, she will get over it and be happy for you if she is a true friend. But spend time with w=her after that, but not directly, just be around her, then have you with your boyfriend on one or two occasions, then start talking to her and then once you know that she is over him, talk to her with him there. I have the same dilemma, and this is what I plan to do. Just remember, if you friend is way more important than this guy, and he is just a elementary crush, then don't risk your friendship!!! Make sure that you are taking the small risk that she won't forgive you. Hope this helps!
im having the same problem. Three girls in my class including me like the same guy. My BFFs crush she had last year left the school. We told each other about it and we had fun playing around with each other last year. Problem Is that since the begging of our freshman year she's been wanting me get over my crush just because hers left school last year. At first I didn't get why but now the way she flirts around with him all the time makes me think that she likes him.she gets pissed at me for every little reason And she's kinda jealous because me and my crush went to the same school and we're neighbors basically she can't stand our closeness. When her crush was in our school I always helped her to hook him up with her it's just heartbreaking that I did so much for her and now she's not here with me the time I need her the most . The other girl that's tripping over him did get into a lot of fights with me last year she's a BITCH everyone knows that!!! She's trying to use the crush thing against me and my bffl shes the one who's encouraging to ignore me and put me down. Apparently my freind thinks that the girl or gorilla I should say is her new BFFl now but what she doesn't know is that she can use all the info my freind gave her against her if they get in a fight and I'm 95 percent sure that they are because that bitch can get in a fight with anyone
I have the same problem there is this new guy at my school and my friend told me she likes him but I like him too and think he might like me but if I tell my friend that I like him she will be so mad I know because she found out that this new girl liked him too and she started punching her own hand and narowed her eyes! HELP
well.. my story is complicated. few months ago i fell for this guy, i didn't know that one of my good friend had crush on him so i said to all of my good friends i have crush on him.later one of my friends tells me she used to have crush on him but now she moved on..i felt guilty at first but since she had moved on i didn't care. talking about the boy well we arent really good friends but he always starts short question conversation with me. things were getting good because i had a feeling he could fall for me until now my goodfriend tells me she likes him too. and she was like we could share him i pretended to smile but actually i felt so guilty like i was stealing him away from her. i dont know what to do..because i love him s much but i think she deserves him more than i do..
This has happened again! Me and my friend have fallen for the same guy again.In both the cases she had been the first one to tell me... For the first time i took courage and told her that i have same feelings for the guy she liked... it made the situation awkward... but i needed to tell her and felt relieved after doing so... We both are out of it and are better friends that before. But again she tells about this guy friend of ours she has been talking to and it seems accoring to her that he's reciprocating too. I like the guy too... But i can't tell her this again. keeping it to myself is hurting me.
I have the same problem, too.... After meeting this guy (he was a new student), and as I got to know him more, I started to fall for him... However as the days passed, the level in which I did and didn't like him fluctuated randomly... However, I finally realized that I did really like him, and of course I told my best friend about it! But then after a few days, my bestie skyped me, and told me that she liked him too.... That moment was the awkwardest one of my life! I was so speechless...... Anyways, I basically got my back stabbed. I've been so tired of being depressed about everything, and finally when I was in my happy stage, just the idea of her liking him crushed me... Now I know that she can't help liking him (I can't help it either), but I literally just got over someone. It took me around 8 months to get over him.... And now, here I am, going through the same stage. I honestly don't know what to do. My life is full of so much drama..... As much as I try to forget about the guy, it's so hard,,,,,,,,,,,
I love this guy so much and he likes me and my bestie likes him but he hates her, absolutely hates her so I still dunno what to do.
Me and my bestie both like the same guy. He said he wanted too ask me out, then he told her he wanted too ask her out now he's saying he likes both of us. So I'm confused becuase I really don't want too loose my best freind xxxxxxxxx
I had this problem and belive me its not pretty i liked him since i was five and she didnt at that point he liked me alot at the start and then we started playing with our wrestlers (i am a little bir of a tom boy) now i knew she liked him qhen i was eight we both asked him out and now i am forever broken hearted and this has been years since i was eight but ur best both not asking him out because friendships are much more imporant than boys
I have this problem too but my friend knew like 5 close friends knew (including her) but she used to like two other guys. And she actiully told my crush that he should ask me out & he said yes but next year Cuz he could not date. I was just like wtf why did you do that. Well anyways days pass and she started having a crush on him to. But me and him do not talk much but every body says he likes me. But she is just like i am winning him and i think she is triying to make me jelouse . And i don't now what to do i mean i had a crush on him first and she should back away or not i mean i like her too and i dont want to hurt her Cuz she is my friend;(
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