Religion Is Coming Between Friends

Dear Dee:
My friend is an atheist, and we almost always fight. I can't stand it, because she always starts things with me.

I don't want to argue with her, but I can't help it. And its not even like these fights are regular 'you lied to me,' or 'why did you talk about me behind my back.' She and I fight about religious issues and beliefs. We can sometimes stay calm, but she always is on the attack. And it seems like she never listens to what I have to say. How can I handle this?

Religion is like politics -- with some people, you just can't discuss it, especially if you want to keep your friendship intact.

You and your friend are going to have to agree to disagree on this subject if you're going to remain friends. It's just that simple. You'll have to decide not to talk about religion with each other and simply realize you're not going to see eye to eye.

Now depending on how strong your beliefs are and how much a part of your life they are, you very well may not be able to do this. Some people's religious beliefs are so much a part of them they can't hold conversations without interjecting them in or referring to them. If this is the case, you might have to realize your friendship isn't going to work out -- as it will become one constant fight.

Religion is a very mature subject for two people to talk about. So, you and your friend need to sit down calmly and come to a consensus on how to preserve your friendship but stop putting strain on it because of your differences. Recognize that not everyone is the same, not everyone believes the same or thinks the same. Decide that this is an area where you will both respect each others' convictions and agree to not try and sway each other to believing the same way the other does.

It will be difficult, but it can definitely be done. I have a friend I can't discuss certain things with (politics) and she is my best friend. We both know that it's off limits. And we refuse to jeopardize our friendship by disregarding that boundary.