Oldest Sib Gets Firm Hand

Dear Dee:
I am the oldest sibling. I know my parents love me, but sometimes it seems like they treat my siblings like they are better than me.

They do something, it is my fault. If I do something, they go to my siblings for comfort, and sometimes even advice! I know that a lot of people probably have these feelings, but mine are particularly bad. Should I confront my parents or just leave things as they are? HELP!

OK. So this, I am an expert at. I am the oldest of five kids ... and um, it is no secret parents are usually hardest on the oldest. Heck, when parents look back at how they raise their kids, most of the time they'll even admit it!

Parents are ‘learning' to be parents when it comes to the oldest. They enforce stricter rules usually, expect much more out of them and generally are just a little more difficult for the oldest kid. And as siblings are born, parents ease up a little, whether it's because they don't have as much time to focus on the rules, or because they've learned from their experience with the oldest.

Doesn't make it fair. Doesn't make it right. But that's just how it is.

Your parents need to understand that as the oldest, you're fine with being ‘an example' to the other siblings, but you need them to respect that as well. So, going to your siblings for advice just undermines this and casts you in a negative light to them.

Let them know you also need them to listen to you and realize when they're playing favorites or not giving you attention. You know, sometimes parents are so consumed with taking care of the younger siblings, they don't pay as much attention to the older ones, because the older is independent, self-sufficient and can do things on their own.

They don't mean it as a slap in the face; they just don't think about it. So it's your job to tell them in a respectful way what you need from them. You need support and some consistency. You're not wrong to ask for it, and they will understand. Just make sure you have the right attitude when you're talking to them. Sassy responses or cruddy attitudes will get you nowhere. You're asking for some grownup considerations ... so act like you deserve it.