Family Doesn't Accept Me

Dear Dee:
I'm 16 year old. I'm a girl trapped in a boy's body. I'm a transsexual. I came out to my mom over a year ago, and she pretty much hates the idea of it, and wants me to be a boy.

My brother isnt very accepting either, he just keeps telling me how I'm a boy and just some stupid teenager with problems.

I live with my mom and her parents. I came out to my grandma and she's okay with me. But my grandpa? It would break his heart to hear his prized grandson is not a boy at all. And I dont know if i should tell him or just
wait tell im 18 and dissapear forever.

Also my mom has almost banned me from going to girls houses. I have a huge amount of girl friends and all of them are so accepting of me.

It's so increadibly torturing. It's the worst pain ever. Plus every boy in the school totally overlooks me, because they can't see I'm a girl, they all just see me as that really smart shy guy who acts oddly feminine. Any Advice?

Oh sweetie. I am so sorry for the pain you're going through and the confusion you're facing. I know it doesn't make it any easier that your family simply won't help you through this time -- that they are closed-minded about it.

I think the worst thing a family can do, when a loved one comes to them with confusion and identity issues is to simply give their opinion and not leave any room at all for understanding or encouragement. This is what I feel you're facing.

Unfortunately, knowing how to advise you in dealing with this is beyond my expertise and experience. What I can tell you though is YOU are responsible for your choices and for defining yourself to the world. YOU have the power to choose who you want to become, what you will make of yourself and how people will respect and see you.

With this in mind, waiting until you're 18 and then disappearing seems to me to be the wrong option. You have to stand up for yourself, demand respect for your decisions (especially if you feel they are the right ones) and let people know you don't need their APPROVAL to be who you KNOW you are. You just ask for their acceptance and support. This particularly pertains to your loved ones. If having a heart-to-heart with your mom isn't necessarily in the cards, I'd say having a 'mom, you listen, I am talking' discussion with her is.

Let your family know how important they are to you. Let them know that you understand what you're telling them is shocking and unconventional. And let them know you understand their struggle with it -- as you are going through the same struggle yourself. Again, let them know their approval isn't required ... but their acceptance and support would be appreciated.

I'd encourage you to reach out to one of the hotlines I have listed to get some professional advice and talk through some other options. I wish I were equipped to better help, but I hope what I have suggested gives you some comfort.

Good luck to you.