My Parents' Divorce Is Scaring Me

Dear Dee:
I am having a little problem with my family. My parents are going to get a divorce, and I am really scared.

I am scared about my mom getting a boyfriend and my dad getting a girlfriend. My mom is smoking and I always tell her to stop and that it's not good for you.

I am really scared about this and I have to go to this psychiatrist. And it seems like he doesn't help. I don't want to be worried or scared, I want everything to be OK. What should I do?

My hope is your parents have sat you down and talked to you about this -- giving you the reasons behind their separation and letting you know that they will take care of you and love you regardless of what is going on between them.

What you have to do is understand their separating is not your fault. You also have to understand, while it is painful, life does go on. If your parents don't work this out and do get divorced, they both will more than likely date again. And again, this won't affect the way they feel about you.

I encourage you to sit down with your parents separately or together and talk to them about your fears. Tell them you're scared and that you need them to reassure you that they will continue to love and take care of you as they always have. Talk to your mom directly and point blank about the smoking and tell your dad that his always needing 'alone time' is making you feel alienated and unimportant.

Remember this is probably difficult for them emotionally as well -- and sometimes, this type of situation causes people to look only at themselves and how it is affecting them vs. others. YOU NEED TO LET THEM KNOW it's affecting you and causing you emotional pain.

I am glad you're speaking to a psychiatrist, but if this person isn't really helping, maybe you could try someone on our family help hotlines. Their unbiased opinions might be just what you need -- or maybe an unknown listening ear would do the trick.

My thoughts are with you during this difficult time -- I do know though, you'll be OK.