Mom & I Have Grown Apart

Dear Dee:
My relationship with my Mom is deteriorating. We used to be super close, but now the only time we talk is when we're fighting.

She says she doesn't know what I'm doing, and she doesn't know me anymore. In truth, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

Until this year, I was a straight ‘A' student who never got into trouble. Now, I've got a failing grade on my report card and had my fourth detention this year. I used to be most of my teachers' favorite student. Suddenly they hate me. I don't know what I'm doing.

I miss talking to my Mom, but I don't know what to do to fix it.

It's not at all uncommon for a mom and a teen to start feeling a little disconnected -- even if their relationship has been perfect in the past. It just happens.

I am really impressed that you've recognized this gap that's grown between you and your mom and you want to do some thing about it. It's absolutely amazing and speaks volumes as to what type of daughter you are.

It sounds like your mom is just taken aback by the fact you're floundering a little bit. She's been used to you having it all together, getting good grades, not getting into any trouble -- in short, being a model person -- and all of a sudden, that's changed. She probably doesn't know how to deal with it. So, instead of trying to work with you to fix it, she's put it on you to fix it yourself. And this is what most parents would do when they're dealing with a kid like you who has always been able to come out on top and do the right thing.

The thing is, right now, you need her help. And she needs to know that. So guess what? It's heart-to-heart time. You said yourself you're not sure what's going on or what's caused the changes. Sit down with your mom and let her know how confused you are. Tell her how much you need her to help you get back on track!

Make sure she knows how important it is to you to figure out the issues but that you can't do it alone. Tell her you're confused right now. You're unsure of what to do. And, you feel like the fighting and the disappointment she's feeling in you is making it worse. Let her know how much you need her guidance, support and her friendship right now.

I have no doubt she'll respond strongly to that. In fact, the hostility you and her are experiencing right now could be because she feels the same way and misses your closeness.

Please, just take the time to talk to her. Or, feel free to let her read this column. Your momma sounds wonderful and I know the two of you will get through this as stronger people and be closer in your relationship.