Worried About Suicidal Friend

Dear Dee:
My friend has been somewhat depressed after his girlfriend broke up with him, but he seemed like he was getting better.

He and his ex remain friends and they walk to and from school together. Just recently he told his ex girlfriend that he was planning to commit suicide. This really worries me but no one else seems to be concerned.

He keeps saying "I'm better. I won't kill myself... unless" he always has some exception. He promised us that the next time he wants to kill himself then he won't tell anyone he'll just do it.

He refused to sign up for the school shrink and he says he told his mom, but she just told him he didn't have the courage. What can I do to help my friend?

If you're seriously worried about your friend, you've got to talk to an adult you trust and get them involved. You said your friend won't talk to the school counsellor -- so again, if you're worried, talk to the counsellor for him.

The bottom line is it's never a good idea to disregard it when someone says they're going to kill themselves. Whether or not the person has the 'courage' there is more than likely an underlying issue that is causing the person to act in this disturbing manner. And if your friend is just talking this way in order to get attention, it's extremely insensitive and immature.

If you read other posts where people have asked about suicide, I always say 'suicide is a very permanent solution to a very temporary problem.' It's the truth, right? So depending on how close you are to this friend, sit down and just let him have it. Let him know how foolish it is for him to talk this way and how desperate it sounds. Gauge whether you feel he is really serious or just after attention. Then, take next steps accordingly.

Remember though, this isn't all on you. You have to ask for help. You can even try contacting a few of our hotlines to get some ideas. Because while I am full of passionate opinions, I am not a psychiatrist.