My Friend Has a Stinkin' Problem ... Literally

Dear Dee:
I have a friend and she doesn't exactly smell like a bucket of roses. I sometimes just can't stand to be around her. She also has had a lot of problems with things and I really don't want to hurt her feelings but someone needs to do something. I know I sound REALLY mean, but I can't help it.

You actually don't sound mean at all. You sound like a friend who wants to help another friend be more approachable, likable and socially acceptable. There's nothing wrong with that.

The thing is, though, there's no easy way to talk to your friend about this. You're just going to have to sit her down -- in private -- and be as gentle as you can in explaining the hygiene problems she has.

Let her know that you're only telling her because you don't want her to get made fun of or be embarrassed. Also let her know you want her to feel confident about herself and her appearance. Talk to her about maybe coming over to your house and doing a ‘mini makeover' or something like that.

Also, while there are some people out there who just don't know how to take care of themselves, there are also others who have kind of just given up. This could be because of a situation at home, a trauma in his/her life or just a lack of self-esteem and confidence.

I think you'll get a feel for what might be going on with your friend when you talk to her. And if you sense is something beyond her just not knowing how to groom herself, then encourage her to seek help either from one of our hotlines or an adult she trusts.

Make sure you let her know you are only trying to help -- and that you care about her. Your kind words will go along way in helping her clean up and figure out what's going on in her life.