Earning a Mom's Trust

Dear Dee:
How do I get my mom to trust my friend? My friend is a senior and he can drive. But my mom won't let us go places together, like on dates.

She has met him a couple times and thinks he is a great guy, but she won't let him drive. I don't have my license yet. I am a sophomore.

As you've probably heard a million times, driving is a huge responsibility ... blah blah blah blah blah. So parents have a hard time letting their kids ride in cars with newly licensed teens. Go figure ...

See, there's a lot of comfort for a parent in knowing that he or she is picking up and dropping off their kid someplace for a date. Then they know where you are, when you're going to be done and who you're with to some extent. (And regrettably, this makes it easier for a parent to spy.)

So, it's a different story when the date starts with a car ride to a place and ends with a ride home -- all without direct supervision or location verification or ‘action' verification. How is a parent to be sure you're going where you say you're going? And how do they know you're going straight there and back with no pit stops? Seriously. These are the thoughts that go through a parent's mind.

You and your friend need to continue to show your mom you're trustworthy and careful enough to go out on a date with him driving. You also need to show her you're responsible enough to handle a dating situation where parents aren't really present during any part of the date.

He also needs to show he's responsible enough to be out driving at night with you in the car. For instance, maybe he can drive you and your parents out to dinner one night or to a movie. He needs to make them feel comfortable about his abilities.

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. It's a big step for a parent to go from being the transportation to and from a date, to just sitting on the couch, waiting for you to come home. Be patient and understanding. You can earn their trust.