Getting Over Mom's Death

Dear Dee:
My mom was killed in November and I'm still sad.

I try to hide it and sometimes I end up be grumpy toward people at school. All I want is for the pain to stop. Will it ever? Is it OK to cry even though I'm 14 years old? I need advice!

Hiding your emotions about your mom's death is the worst thing you can do. It really, really is. Don't deny the part of you that needs to acknowledge the emptiness you feel without her. Don't ignore the loss you're experiencing. Get it out there.

Listen, you're bound to be grumpy. You're going to feel pain. And it's not going to go away. It will just become more bearable. Some day, you will be able to think about your mom without crying. You will be able to think of her without wanting to scream. But two or three months after her death is not that time. You still need to mourn. So don't fight it.

You shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed to let your friends know what you're feeling. If they're true friends, they won't care if you shed some tears over your loss. And if they do, they're not true friends. This is a very, very hard time for you and they should support you in any way they can, whether by listening, giving you a hug or just letting you cry. That's what friends do when other friends are hurting. It's one of the core responsibilities of a true friend.

Mourn your mother. And don't you worry one bit about what anyone thinks. It's time to take care of you. And that means doing what you need to do to get through this difficult time.