Embarrassment In Computer Room

Dear Dee:
I'm a 16-year-old girl and this past August my boyfriend and I were in my computer room upstairs in my house and my parents walked in when he was touching me down there.

They threw him out and won't let me ever see him again. This has been an issue in my house for months and my boyfriend has done everything in his power to try to make amends. He's written a lengthy letter for my parents explaining how wrong he was and how sorry and how he just wants to be with me.

My parents don't trust me and I want to gain their trust back. I can't deal with not being able to see my boyfriend. I just need help. Any advice to help my parents and my boyfriend make amends so that we can be together again would be great.

We're just kids and I know what we did was wrong and very disrespectful but the measures my parents are taking, I feel are too severe and it's making me very depressed.

They think he is just trying to make things better because he only wants one thing. It has been four months and he's still trying to make things better. My parents have told me that if I go behind their backs and go with him when I go to college they will never speak to me again or pay for college. This situation is tearing my whole life apart. please help me, Dee. I don't know what to do.

To earn back their trust and to show them you are in control of yourself, you've got to really believe what you're telling me. Are you really sorry or are you just sorry you got caught? Think about it.

What happened in your computer room is in the past. But what are you going to do in the future when the same opportunity arises? Are you going to get caught up in the moment again or do your best to keep yourself OUT of that type of situation? These are exactly the things you need to think about before you can even think of your parents letting up on their punishment.

You're going to have to sit down with your parents. I know you probably already have, but I would imagine it hasn't been as mature of a conversation as it needs to be. You need to sit them down, talk to them calmly, without tears, accusations and yelling plead your case. No 'this isn't fair' comments -- or nothing that is not 100 percent representative of you taking the blame for your actions.

Talk to your parents about how you feel morally and what your boundaries are (which means you seriously need to think about what your boundaries are!). Tell them while the situation was extremely embarrassing, you know it happened for the best -- as it has made you understand what type of young lady you want to become.

What you should propose to your parents is that while you are earning their trust back, you and your boyfriend only be allowed together in an adult's company -- whether it be with them or with his parents. Tell them you will not sneak around to be alone, but will live your relationship out in the open under their eyes until they feel you're able to go out on dates alone. Also talk to them about your relationship. Let them know that he is truly special to you and you know you're special to him as well. Talk about your time together and your conversations and what you have in common.

Remember, talk to them respectfully. As an adult would. And as a person who is 200 percent in the wrong would, asking for redemption and a second chance.

I would also encourage you to talk to them about your plans for the future -- your college plans, etc. and how you will not let this relationship interfere with that.

On a final note, I want to let you you shouldn't allow ANYONE to touch your body in a romantic way until you're married. And while in today's world, this is seen as old fashioned, the bottom line is that morally, this is what's right and what's good. You said you know your actions were disrespectful -- but I am wondering if you think your actions were disrespectful to your parents --and in some small way they were. But the bigger picture is you disrespected yourself by letting yourself believe you weren't worth waiting for.

I do hope your parents can let you slowly regain their trust -- and I do wish you all the best. PLEASE keep me informed.