Good Days, Bad Days & 'I Hate Myself' Days

Dear Dee:
I have days where I feel horrible about myself. I'm always comparing myself to everyone around me.

I'll look in the mirror and criticize everything. I've even gotten so bad I've made lists of everything "not right" about myself -- from personality to other things. When I'm like this, I try to avoid contact with people as much as possible.

I usually end up crying myself to sleep, because I don't want to feel this way, I can't help it. I feel like a failure to everyone and God when I'm like this, because it's so selfish.

But then there are other days where I feel so happy and good about myself. I laugh and smile and dress nice and everything. What can I do?

You're right. Focusing on this emotional angst on ourselves is selfish and wrong. But we all do it! We have good days and bad days. And at some points in life, the bad ones outweigh the good. When we wallow in our own self pity and focus on all of our faults, we are literally sucking the joy right out of our lives. And when we do that, all that's left is shallowness, disappointment and a deep pool of self-indulgence that'll never quite get us where we want to be.

You'll always have these crappy days when you don't feel the best about yourself. But what's important is to put them into perspective. You can't always feel 100 percent happy. And if you did, then you'd just be weird. So the way to look at things is through acceptance of things you can't change and setting goals for yourself on the things you can!

When you feel cruddy, focus on one thing you like -- something that always makes you feel great. It could be a favorite pair of earrings or shoes, or wearing your lucky socks! Choose one thing to be happy about that day and force a smile whenever you can. Determine within yourself not to let the sadness/depression overtake you. While you may not be able to be bouncing-off-the-walls happy, try to at least prevent yourself from wallowing in it. Take in the world around you and find something wonderful to cling to. Let it keep you from sinking into the murky waters of self-pity. Even if that one thing just keeps you from totally breaking down, you've achieved victory.

Also, when you feel your depression/anger focusing on yourself personally, remember others. Go help a friend. Help your mom clean up around the house. Get lost in something that is unselfish and helpful. Your mind will most definitely shift gears as you put your energy toward something and someone else.

Now, of course, sometimes depression is a deeper problem and medical attention is needed. There are medications, special herbs and diets that can be prescribed under a doctor's care. So make sure if you continue to feel this way or think of harming yourself, you speak to an adult you trust immediately. Also, feel free to contact one of our hotlines! The specialists on the other end can give you more tips to deal with your emotions.