I Don't Wanna Get Hurt, But ...

Dear Dee:
I'm 16 and my best guy friend will be 19 soon. I really like him, but it's more than that. I love him and he loves me. Right now I guess you could say we're friends with benefits but not exactly, considering we're exclusive.

He got me into smoking, but doesn't pressure me to do anything I don't want to. He really respects me and my beliefs and he's really helped me turn my life around and helped me get out of most of the horrible things I was involved in. I really want to ask him out because I think he likes me and I know he'd treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

He's not a scum bag like most of the other guys out there. I know that it's illegal but my parents approve of him and would approve of us dating and the same goes for his. The only problem is I don't want to risk losing the amazing friendship we've formed.

I also don't want to get hurt because even at such a young age I've been hurt many times and very deeply. While I don't think he'd ever intentionally hurt me he may be forced to when he leaves for the Air Force in August. Help!

So you already know the legal issues with you dating a 19-year-old, so we don't have to go there.
I definitely don't doubt your feelings for this guy and understand the issue you're having with not wanting to ruin your friendship.

The thing is, though -- your ‘friends with benefits' comment already lends me to believe you've been ‘romantic' with this guy anyway. And honey, friends don't do that. So the question of what is going on with you two is already out there. You've just got to verbalize it.

It's great the two of you are awesome friends. But it's not great for you to be in love with him, wanting more and him not moving the relationship out of the ‘friend' status -- even though you've done things that would indicate you're more than friends. So you need to speak up. You deserve to know where you stand and it is time for you to demand it. The longer you put it off, the more this relationship will get out of hand. So find out now before you get in any deeper.

You've already gotten yourself into this relationship by expanding it beyond the friendship bounds, so there is always a chance you'll get hurt. But there's also a chance you won't. Many, many relationships grow stronger while the boyfriend/girlfriend is in the military. And if it's meant to be, yours will survive, too.