Christmas Wishes

Hello faithful readers.
I hope you don't mind, but I am gonna take a little break today and hang out with my family.I have presents to open, tons of food to eat and some Christmas carols to sing.

I hope you all enjoy this time today with your families and really take a moment to remember how special it is to be with people you love on the holidays.

Please know I appreciate each and every one of you and am wishing you the best on this fantastic Christmas Day.

Love
Dee

Friends' Concern Gets Annoying

Dear Dee:
I lost my mom a couple years ago, but I am OK with it.

When people realize she is deceased, they are all like "I'm sorry for you" or " are you okay?". I think it is sweet of them to be concerned but how do I let them know that I don't want to talk about it?

I even had a girl come up to me and ask if I would get mad if people talked about their moms. It really gets annoying after awhile. I'm usually not mean but they get under my skin so often.

The fact it actually gets under your skin when people ask you about your mom tells me you're actually NOT OK with it. And you know what? That's OK, too.

You don't have to talk about it right now -- maybe one day, you'll want to. And when that day comes, you don't want to have alienated people now who could be there when you need them. So, as politely as you can, just tell them 'Yeah, I lost my mom a few years back, but it's not something I like to talk about.'

Most people will back off at that point. And don't take offense at your friends asking you if it's OK to talk about their mothers -- seriously, they're being sensitive to you and really trying to make sure you're not offended or hurt in their company.

So while it may seem annoying to have people treat you so delicately sometimes, remember they are doing it out of concern for you. And with that concern, if you express it correctly, will come an understanding of what you want to discuss/don't want to discuss and an understanding of what you are comfortable with.

Try not to get annoyed. I think once you try to look past the 'inconvenience' of having to answer the same questions over and over again, and understand the caring and concern that goes into asking maybe you'll be able to put up with it a little longer.

I have to say it, if ever you do decide you want to talk about your mom, please seek out an adult you trust or try one of the hotlines listed here. When you're ready, you'll really need a great listener -- you'll be surprised how much you have to say and how great it will feel to finally say it.

Best to you.

Friend Is Getting Ready to Blab. What Now?

Dear Dee:
I like a boy at school.
My best friend is going to tell him. What should I do?

The first thing to do is tell your friend to mind her own business! It's not her place to tell a guy you like him and her telling him against your wishes is nothing short of mean. And if she's doing in despite your objections, I'd say it was time to evaluate your friendship.

If you want this guy to know you like him, then it's up to you to show him/tell him. Don't ask someone else to do it. YOU need to be in control of what's happening and what info is being given out. And if you can't do it on your own, then maybe you're not quite ready to have a dating relationship. AND THAT'S OK! Too many people rush into it and seriously, there's no need to.

So, again, in the kindest way possible, tell your friend to shut her big mouth and that you'll handle it in your own time.

Advice-Giver Seeks Advice

Dear Dee:
Alright, before I get to my problem, I just wanted to say I love your advice page! I'm always the one of my friends giving advice, and sometimes I feel like my friends don't exactly get the advice thing. Haha. So anyway, thanks.

There's this guy. (Oh god, the kiss of death.) Anyway. I've had a crush on him since early October. We've gotten pretty close over the past few months (Not best friends, but not strangers either.)

We flirt a reasonable amount, mostly on my end (although he doesn't exactly try to stop me), and all of my friends who know I like him pretty much insist he likes me.

But, well... I don't really believe them. But I really like him. Not to be cliché, but I don't think I've ever felt this way before about a guy. It actually kind of annoys me, how I act so ... off around him. We hang out a lot together in school, and sadly, I think about him way too much.(

Oh, and one thing: he did ask me to a school dance that will be in February, but I said no on the basis that he didn't sound like he really wanted to go with me, but like he was asking because a mutual friend told him to, or something.

Yes, my friends know pretty much everything about this.)So, Dee, what I need is advice (of course; who doesn't?). Anyway, thanks!

While I understand your hesitancy to go to the dance with your crush, because you think he was forced into asking you, I think you should actually go with him! What better way to show him how absolutely irresistible you are by having an entire evening with his full attention! It might be a perfect way to make a 'friendship' turn into something more. So give it some thought, K?

It most definitely sounds like you've got it bad for this guy. And hey, don't let the fact you're feeling all of this stuff about him throw you for a loop. Put it in perspective! Most of the time, us girls get it wrong because we take a crush to the extreme -- to where we simply can't even function because the guy's consuming our thoughts. We become semi-obsessed! Don't let this happen to you.

While it's perfectly cool to think about him and to want to date him, there is nothing more pitiful to a guy than a girl who can't get it together when he's around. So while you know how you feel, you don't necessarily have to let him know how you feel -- until you're ready. Play it cool, continue the flirting, be his friend and when the time is right, you can kinda let yourself go (within reason) and show him your true feelings. Remember, you don't want to appear desperate or begging for the attention.

So just give enough attention/interest to try to get him wanting more. You sound like a really strong, smart girl. I know you can master your feelings and use them to your advantage to get this guy. And if it turns out he's not all that you thought he'd be, don't worry. There are TONS of guys out there ... in fact, checking them out is 99 percent of the fun of being a girl! WOO HOO!

Is My Mom Cheating On My Dad?

Dear Dee:
My mom doesn't tell my dad she loves him anymore. They fight at times. But that's not the problem. The main thing I'm worried about is she texts a guy from her work 24/7 and she doesn't wear her wedding ring anymore!

Does this mean she's cheating? What do I do?

This does not mean your mom is cheating with this guy at work. But I can't say she's most definitely not, either. It sounds like your mom is unhappy right now and is looking for ways to fix that -- instead of facing it head on and working through it with your dad. Now we don't know the particulars of what's going on between them. So the first thing to remember is not to judge or jump to conclusions.

Just remember she is in charge of her choices and what she's doing. Whatever is going on is not your fault. And I believe you have every single right to ask her what's happening. This is your family at stake here. Also, you asking her about her behavior might just be the jolt of reality she needs to realize her actions have consequences and what she does affects others besides just her.

I do hope your parents can work through this. Remember all marriages go through some rough spots and this could just be one of those. But if it's not, make sure you talk to someone you trust about how you feel about what's happening and don't keep it bottled up. You'll get through this.