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This reader is responding to this post: Is My Mom Cheating On My Dad?
Dear Dee:
I am so proud of you for talking to her! That took great courage. Just keep your chin up and don't be afraid to ask questions. This is about you and your family ... it is most definitely your business!
Dear Dee:
Hi, I am a girl in need of advice! I am overweight and I can't get this guy I like to like me back! What should I do?
I want a good diet to help me lose weight and I can't find one. Any suggestions? Also how do I get this guy to like me?
Hey, you shouldn't have to work to make someone like you. And you shouldn't want to be with anyone who can't accept you for who you are and like you effortlessly. Seriously! So don't do anything with the intention of making this guy or anyone else like you. Just be yourself. And have enough pride and self-worth to realize someone who has to be 'convinced' to like you isn't the kind of friend, boyfriend or even acquaintance you want.
Where your weight is concerned, it's best to consult your doctor about a sensible, healthy weight loss plan. Of course, just watching what you eat and exercising are the staples of healthy weight loss, but he/she might be able to give you some other great tips/guidelines. Good luck!
Dear Dee:
I'm 13 and I'm confused about a boy. I've known him since 6th grade and although we talk a lot, I think we both try to hide the fact that we're friends.
My BFF always makes fun of him, but I can't get out of my head the fact that I like him more than a friend. He always makes me smile! I don't know what to do! Help me please!
You need to stand up to your friend and tell her to stop making fun of this guy. If you have feelings for him, friendship or otherwise, you shouldn't let others tear him down. It's wrong. And you standing by, letting it happen when you consider yourself HIS friend, makes you a totally in the wrong. So, while it's extremely difficult, you've got to stand up for your friends -- especially ones you think you might want to date.
If your BFF is a true friend, she'll only have to be told once to stop making fun of him. And she'll accept him as your friend. Who knows -- maybe she'll even decide she wants to be his friend, too!
You don't have to rush into making the decision on whether to take your friendship with this guy to the next level. You both have plenty of time and first need to realize you have to be comfortable with each other, your friendship and letting others know about it before you can actually 'date.' Seems you both need to grow up a little on this front and get comfortable with each other.
Oh yeah, and one more thing ... how about not seriously giving a RIP about what anyone else says about you and this guy being friends ... and being your own person ... the kind who likes who she likes without apologies ... it's just a thought.
Dear Dee:
I'm 17 and most of my friends are 18 or 19. They are at that age of getting into drinking and stuff like that. They think it would be cool for me to get drunk with them, too.
It sounded fun, and I trust my friends. Not only that, but my sister got drunk on homecoming when she was 17. So I thought i would do the same. Homecoming came around and I still wasn't comfortable about drinking. I just told them "well hey maybe New Years, we'll party at your house."
So I'm invited to the small party (only 9 of our closest friends) to celebrate the new year with alcohol. Now New Year's is right around the corner and I thought I would be ready, but I'm still not.
They'll call me and say "Hey I can't wait for new years!" and I'll respond "Yea can't wait!" I'm really scared to be drunk, and not ready. But I don't want to let down my friends by false advertising my excitement about my first time being drunk. How do I approach my friends come New Year's?
Let's state the obvious, K? Every single one of you are under-age and aren't old enough to drink alcohol.
And the second obvious? You're the only one in this entire group (including your sister) who seems to have any common sense at all. So don't waiver! You are 100 percent not ready for what they are pushing you into and you know what? Getting drunk is just plain, flat, absolutely stupid.
Honey, being drunk is not one of those 'firsts' that's worth putting in the scrap book and talking about years from now. Getting drunk is one of those things you want to forget because people act, say and do the dumbest things ever when alcohol is involved -- especially when they're not responsible enough to know when enough is enough.
Do you know how many girls lose their virginity when they're drunk ... how many are raped when they're drunk and how many change their lives forever just because they have no control over their actions when they're under the influence? Dare we even mention how many people lose their lives from drinking.
So you already knew all of that, right? Then don't be stupid. Don't give in. Your friends want you to do this so there isn't descention in the ranks. The more people who are doing something completely wrong and stupid makes it seem 'smarter' somehow. By getting you to give in, YOU are validating THEIR actions for THEM.
So do you want to be that person? The one who does things because others want her to. The one who doesn't stand up for herself but goes with the crowd -- even when it is unhealthy, unwise and yes, against the law?
You have the courage to shut your friends up. You make the stand and prove who you are. This is a defining moment for you. And what you choose to do right now will define and shape you in how you respond to pressure later.
So make the right choice here. It might cost you some friends and a little heartache now, but what you gain is so much more -- self respect, power of conviction and heart.
Dear Dee:
Well I'm going through the point in my life where everything is going down hill.
I told my best friend something and now she won't even talk to me. I don't know what to do about that. And the biggest problem I am having is my relationships with girls. I just got a girlfriend but it was only because I told my friend I was lonely and she set me up with this girl.
I am only 14 and I need help with these things. Please help me.
I can't imagine what you told your friend to make her not talk to you anymore. It doesn't seem she was a true friend -- as one of the hallmarks of being a great friend is being a listener and confidant. I am very sorry you had to learn her friendship was false in this way, during this time in your life. My advice to you would be to let her go and do your best to move on. The loss of her friendship is a blow, but at least you now know where she stands. I am very sorry.
And your friend set you up ... so what! That happens all the time. If you and the girl click, then great! Don't belittle your relationship just because you got a jump start from someone else's introduction. If you like her and she likes you then that's all that matters. So enjoy it! Have fun, make friends and enjoy this time in your life.
At 14, life has its ups and downs. So don't give up and lose hope. You've found out a few crappy things and you've been betrayed by a friend. This sucks, but it will get better. It really will. Believe it and don't lose hope.
