Dear Dee:
Some of my friends told me that you knew how to give advice on being pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been going out a few months and, well, I've skipped my period. I think I am pregnant and the thing is I don't really care if I am.I know I can just have the baby and my parents will take care of it.
I figure it will just hold up my social life for a couple months, but then all should be back to normal. So, is there anything special I should know about being pregnant?
Hey, hold on a minute ... I have to go do something before I finish responding ... be right back ...
OK back now I had to go check my rule book to make sure I can actually say what I am going to say ...and it says go for it. So before I do, know that I write this in love and compassion, because I care.
... ... WAKE UP SILLY, FOOLISH GIRL. Who the heck do you think you are talking about a baby as casually as you would about which outfit you're going to wear on a date?
I don't even know you, and in the brief, two paragraphs you wrote me, I feel like I have you pegged: You sound selfish, unfeeling, totally irresponsible and outright ridiculous. It is girls like you who have children, leave others to raise them and wonder why those kids end up in jail, dead or so screwed up they spend more than half their lives in therapy.
So, first off take a pregnancy test. If you're not pregnant, no one will be happier for you than me. If you are, take it seriously and talk to someone you trust immediately to get some help -- you need a reality check and while I'd be happy to give you one, my little tongue lashing on this blog I am sure isn't going to be enough. So try one of our hotlines or sit down with a responsible adult.
I really do wish you the best and hope you can straighten up to make strong, healthy decisions -- decisions you won't regret in the future and decisions that won't screw you or your possible child up.
By the way, if you're not too pissed right now, tell your friend I said 'thanks' for the reference. The reason she told you to talk to me was probably because she read MY Teen Pregnancy Story... Yes, I was a teen mom. So, I do know all about it.
Possibly Pregnant & Totally Screwed Up
My Exboyfriend's Mother Died ...
Dear Dee:
My exboyfriend's mother has died. Should I send a card?
Showing compassion in a horrible situation supercedes all hard feelings and choppy water under the bridge. So when you actually know someone is in pain, has experienced loss and needs some support, regardless of the past, it is important to show you care regardless of the past.
Sending a card, making a phone call or even stopping by to express condolences doesn't mean your getting back together, it means you're a caring human being and you feel for the person who's experiencing it. As decent human beings, this is what we do. So most definitely, if you're compelled to express your sympathy, do it.
Sick of Being Popular
Dear Dee:
I am a Freshman in high school and I am popular. I know what you are saying "What could be wrong?" However, I hate it. It was fine in middle school because I was able to stand up for myself but now all people do is talk about us and call us stuck up. I do not want to be popular. I want to be normal or nerdy if I have to, but if I do my friends will think it is because of them.
You've proven two things with your question: 1. No one is EVER happy with who they are and where they are in life and 2. Even the popular kids have something or someone to envy. Thanks for proving that populars are humans, too.
I don't think you can magically snap your fingers and become a nerd or just all of a sudden 'not' be popular. So instead of trying to be something you're not (nerd, geek, or some other social class) use your popularity to do good things and to change stereotypes around your school.
Show others you're not stuck up and that you're approachable. Show them you're not one of those plastic populars who loves the attention but can't bother to talk to the 'little people.' Show your schoolmates you're popular because you're a kind person who loves to help others and make friends from all different groups and cliques. Show everyone you're not just popular because you're popular ... you're popular because you deserve it.
Remember: Popularity is power ... Use it for good.
Should I Break Up .. & How Do I Do It?
Dear Dee:
I'm going out with a guy and I liked him when we were just friends. But now I'm not so sure.
I'm also afraid he might like me more than I like him. He's my first boyfriend and I'm not sure how to break up with him, or if I should break up with him for that matter. Can you help me?
If you're really not quite sure you like this guy enough for him to continue to be your boyfriend, then instead of sitting on the fence about it, you should cut him loose. It's never fair to string someone along when you're not really feelin' the relationship. It's easier to end it now before feelings grow stronger. There might even be a chance you could still salvage your friendship.
There's no perfect way to break up. More than likely someone is going to get hurt. So just be as honest as you can be and as gentle as you can. But make sure you are clear about the fact you're breaking up. If you really want to end the relationship, you have to word it so there are no questions. There's nothing worse than a wishy-washy breakup that leaves someone with the hope of a reconciliation -- if there really isn't a hope.
So kindness is key, honesty is a must and being precise will ensure you set the right expectation about the breakup. Yes, breaking up with someone for the very first time is really hard -- but trust me ... it really never gets any easier.
My Friend Asked A Friend To Ask Him ...HUH?
Dear Dee:
I really like this kid and my friend said she asked his friend to ask him out for me. So I asked his friend online if he said yes, and he didn't know what I was talking about.
My best friend lied to me, and it hurt my feelings. Should she still be my friend, or should i be mad at her?
First off, let's make a pact right now that you'll ask guys out yourself and not tell your friend to ask his friend to ask him. Not only does it make a confusing question for me, but it kind of shows you probably shouldn't have a boyfriend because you can't even talk to him yourself. I don't mean that harshly, but it's the truth! If you're not ready to go up to a guy and ask him out and have to have someone else do it, then you probably shouldn't be dating.
Now regarding your friend; has she lied to you before? If this is a one-time thing, there's room for forgiveness. But if you're constantly catching her in lies, then I'd back off the friendship a little and have a talk with her. Tell her truth and trust are really important in a friendship -- and you don't have the confidence that she's telling you the truth AND you don't have a lot of trust in her.
Sorry. I know this wasn't the answer you wanted ... but I promised to tell it like it is ... and there it is.
