Dear Dee:
I have went out with this guy four times and it has never worked out. But we are still bff's and I can tell him anything. He is going out with one of my good friends now and I know he will NEVER like me in that way again -- even though I like him A LOT.
When I am around him I always end up acting stupid or weird. And sometimes I feel really happy when I am with him but also sometimes I feel sooo sad. I don't know what to do. I just know I can't stop thinking about him.
Hey, sometimes we just fall for the wrong guy. It's as simple as that. We try making a relationship work once, twice -- even three times, but it's just not the right time for that relationship to take off. It sucks, but it happens. That's not to say it will NEVER happen, but for right now, it doesn't seem like he's the guy for you.
So you're going to go through some painful times right now. It's gonna make you sad to see him with another girl, it's gonna hit you in the heart when he talks about other girls -- but if you're going to be his best friend, and you want to have at least that part of a relationship, you're going to have to deal with it.
I KNOW IT'S HARD! But maybe you could think about what really didn't work in your relationships. Why couldn't you guys make it happen? What went wrong and why couldn't you work it out? If you tried three times and still couldn't have a thriving relationship then something was/is consistently wrong. Keep that in mind when the feelings hit you. Try to realize that right now, you just work so much better as friends. And while you're heart may not like to hear it, right now you're mind will have to take over and bring your heart around to reason, understanding and finally acceptance.
If you need to, you might even consider stepping back for a few days from your friendship just to try to get a handle on your feelings. Maybe this will help you sort through it and figure out how to move on.
I wish you the best!
Dated 3 Times, But Didn't Work Out
Friend's Mom Is A Ticking Time Bomb
Dear Dee:
I have a 17-year-old friend whose mom has put her through a lot of physical and emotion abuse. Her mom is on medication for depression and has also had thoughts of suicide.
I have noticed her mom believes the answer to all of her problems is threatening to cut my friend from all support and kicking her out. I want to prepare myself if and when anything happens so I am reaching out to anyone and everyone for help and answers.Your friend is really really lucky to have someone like you looking out for her. This is a very difficult situation for a friend to have to watch another friend go through. And it is even harder to actually want to help your friend through it -- instead of just being on the outside, looking in.
Your friend is 17, so she's almost legally an adult. And if her situation doesn't get any better, I'd highly recommend your friend gets the heck out of Dodge as soon as she's able to. In order for her to develop emotionally and independently, she needs to remove herself from the hostile, threatening environment her mom has obviously created for her. And while I think it is a horrible to consider abandoning one's mom, if your friend and her family have done all they can to try to help this woman, then in order to survive personally, she might just have to do that.
Before your friend's ready to leave home, though, and if she does get kicked out and cut off, just be there for her. If you're not able to take her in (not sure of your family situation) then maybe you can help her reach out to a local churches' youth ministry for support. In fact, this would be a great place for both of you to get some help in this situation. Sometimes, when situations seem really, really helpless and a person really has no where else to go, GOD is the answer and the faith and support of other believers can get you through the situation.
There are also hotlines listed here.You can reach out to one of the domestic abuse hotlines or give the number directly to your friend. Seroiusly, this is something you two shouldn't deal with alone and when we're dealing with issues such as suicidal parents, threatening situations and the like, it's always a great idea to get professional help. Those people on the other end of the hotlines can give you all the info you need.
Hang in there. Continue to be a great friend, listen and do whatever you can to help your friend out of this situation. Also, encourage her to rise above all she's been through and become the best person she can be. Too many people have to climb mountains to make up for the fact they had HUGE JERKS for parents ... but overcoming that can most definitely be done. Especially when a person has a great friend by her side.
The Short and Tall Dilemma
Dear Dee:
At my school, I am a shorter, smaller girl and all my friends are taller than me.
The problem is I really like this guy who is really tall and hot, but I'm afraid he won't like me because I'm smaller. He's already my friend, but I don't know. I also sort of like another boy, but the tall guy; I like him more.
People call me short just teasing, but I don't care. I wish I was taller sometimes so I wouldn't be afraid to do stuff like that. What should I do? Please help me! I really like this guy.It is seriously not a big deal you're not taller -- girls generally aren't towering over all the guys in their class. And you know what, most really tall guys really like shorter girls. Seriously.
I have two cases in point: I had a boyfriend who was 6'11" and I am 5'6" ... he was WAY taller than I am. Second case in point: I know a 6'7" guy who's dating a 5'2" girl ... So do not be self-conscious about your height. Spend your time getting comfortable with yourself and investing in friendships. Don't worry about trivial things like height differences ... dwelling over something you have no control over will just set you back in finding out if this guy likes you AND will make you miss out on a whole bunch of fun stuff in life.
By the way, here are just some quick fashion tips to help accentuate the body you have and make you appear taller ...
-- Opt for a monochromatic outfit.
-- Add contrast color or texture with a blazer, cardigan or overshirt.
-- Leave the blazer or cardigan unbuttoned for maximum vertical lines.
-- Any stripes on the garment should be vertical.
-- Choose scarves tied loosely with long, vertical dangling ends.
-- Avoid big belts, which can cut you in half visually.
-- Use long necklaces or pendants and avoid chokers.
-- Wear skirts that are longer than they are wide.
-- Choose shoes with at least an inch heel: the taller the better.
-- Elongate the neck with V-necks.
-- If you are petite (5'3" or under) make sure you scale everything down : smaller prints, pockets, etc. so they don't overpower your figure.
-- Don't make the mistake of going for all long pieces. Go for contrasting proportions. Mix a longer jacket with a shorter skirt, shorter jacket with pants, etc.
Tips taken from "How To Look Taller and Slimmer"
By Cynthia Nellis, About.com
'Coming Clean' is Coming Clean!
Dear Dee:
I am the girl who wrote to you about "Come Clean With Parents, Then Help Friend." I have decide to take your advice. I am pretty sure it will help and if not, I will know I tried. Thank you SO MUCH!
And Im gonna talk to my mom about the drugs thing.
This is great! You're doing the right thing. Telling your parents about the lie will really help you build trust -- even though it might hurt at first :-) . I am very proud of you.
Secret Crush Is Also My Friend
Dear Dee:
Hey, I love this site, it's my homepage!
I've been going through a hard time in my life and this site has helped me realize that my life isn't the worst it can be. But now I have a simple teen-age problem.
I've liked this guy since the moment I meet him and we instantly became friends. A while ago, he told me he doesn't like me, jokingly. I told a few friends I like him and yesterday one approached him with: I heard you like (insert my name here). He shrugged and said, "I just don't know anymore. We're friends, but you know."
I was thrilled when I heard this, but he doesn't know I know. In the class we have together, I sit next to him, but he's not his normal friendly-flirty self for the past two weeks. He's shyer and almost afraid to talk to me, if I'm not talking to him first.
He isn't like this around any other of his friends, including girl ones.
Does this mean he has feelings for me, he doesn't want to be my friend anymore, or am I just reading into it too much? Thanks so much, cause I am completly lost (even worse than the show)!
Major props to you for making 'Dear Dee' your homepage! Thanks for that. If you could see me, you'd see this huge grin ... (and you'd see me eating a Watermelon Jolly Rancher ... my favorite.)
ANYWAY, someone else's emotions are just too hard to try to read ... so instead of guessing, you need to just find out what's up. And since he's your good friend and his behavior towards you has changed, you have an easy in for the conversation.
Ask him what's going on. Tell him you've noticed a change and you want to know if you've done anything or if there's anything you can help him out with -- because, of course, that's what friends do!
More than likely, he'll tell you nothing's wrong and he's all good ... but tell him you know him too well and you've noticed he's treating you differently. Then kinda just wait. See if he shrugs it off or says something that leads you to reveal you like him. If he doesn't, just continue to be his friend. Don't push it. See what happens. He might be a little conflicted right now and you don't want to come off as desperate or fishing for info. So, playing it cool is most definitely the way to go.
I know it's easier and less embarassing to find out info about your crush from others, but it really isn't reliable and wouldn't you much rather find out personal info from the source instead of getting it second or third hand? You don't need your friends teasing him or trying to find out things he's not ready to reveal. He doesn't need the pressure -- and it could easily turn him off. So take matters into your own hands and you'll get results. ...
When it comes to crushes, being in control is a GREAT thing ... so take charge.
