First Boyfriend Brings True Drama to Life

Dear Dee:
I first want to say I love your site, and you give awesome advice. I hope you can help me with this, even though no one else has been able to.

A couple months ago, I got my first boyfriend. At first, he was everything. He was handsome, sweet, nice, and smart. Then, after about a month, I realized there was nothing attractive about him and he was a big jerk. After another month of doubting and sudden realizations of "I still like him." and "HE ANNOYS ME SO MUCH!" I finally decided to break up with him.

The final straw was when, in advisory, we were making these paper snowflakes as decorations, and he made one and gave it to one of my best friends, then called me a loner and dumb. Then, after a day full of drama that made me cry for the first time in school, after he told one of my friends he didn't care if I went out with him or not, and it didn't matter to him that I was breaking up with him, it was over.

He sent me an email asking what he did and that he wasn't mad at me. I sent him back an email telling him EXACTLY what he did wrong and how he was treating me badly (He also made fun of me and didn't want people to know that we were going out. I wouldn't say something like this unless it was really true, but he is a loser, and my popularity level at my school for a "sevie" is pretty high, so he probably would have gotten more friends if he had told people.) and he sent back an email pretty much saying I was overreacting, stupid, pathetic, and a b****.

I take a lot of offense at being called that, and I was really upset, since he had helped me get through being called stuff like that every other day by a horrible kid who everyone hates, and told me I wasn't that sort of thing(I guess he was lying).

Then he sent me an email BEGGING me to forgive him, and when I told him I needed space, he sent me an email the next day saying "hey are we friends yet?" That made me even more angry with him, and then about two weeks later, he sent me a fwd letter from when we were going out (It was... pretty romantic. I'm ashamed of it, because my parents would never have approved of how close me and him were, and I know that I was wrong, and I won't do it again) and after that saying "I was just wondering whatever happened to these days, and whether you could ever find it in your heart to forgive me so we could be friends, or maybe BFFs?"

That made me so mad, I don't want anything to do with him now. I wanted to send an email back to him saying "we broke up, idiot, remember? that's what happened. And you know what, I never want to see your ugly face again just because of this." I didn't, though, I just blocked him, permanently deleted the letter, and asked my friends for advice.

So now after my LONG story... (Sorry about that, wouldn't have made sense if I hadn't explained) Every day he's staring at me, and it creeps me out a lot. I ask my friend what to do, and she says "You should walk up to him and tell him to stop staring at you or I'll beat him up" and stuff like that, and that's not helping.

Also, I don't want to be his friend at all, but most of my friends except for the ones I became really good friends with while they helped me through the whole thing, and I'm getting kind of tired of hearing them talk about him, or having to walk by him to talk to my friends. So what should I do, because he's scaring me, and my friends keep talking about him and to him, telling me stories of stuff that happened, and when I say things like "Good for you." or "I don't really want to hear about him.

I'm still really angry" they completely ignore me and keep talking. It's getting on my nerves, because I really cared about him for a while, and I though he cared about me too, but he was pretending, and he really hurt me. I have lots of friends on my side, against my ex, but they aren't actually all that much help. I'm sorry if I confused you, because reading this, I'd be pretty confused. Thank you so much, and I really hope you can help me.

Wow. That's a lot of drama for a first boyfriend relationship! But it kinda just goes to show you this guy didn't know the first thing about being a boyfriend ... and hey, maybe you could've handled it differently, too.

But let's just deal with what's happening now and his creepy behavior ... While I don't think you should tell him you're gonna 'beat him up,' you most definitely have to let him know you're not interested in being friends or even acquaintances right now. Tell him you don't appreciate being bashed, lied to and then disregarded so easily. And him trying to manipulate you with the few good times you did have in your relationship is immature and disgusting!

Hey, you might even have to get a little mean by just ignoring him. Don't encourage him by answering his emails. Just delete them. When he talks to you, just ignore him. It's harsh, but it has to be done. His behavior is becoming pesky ... and it must be stopped. Don't lead him on.

Now listen, make sure you've thought about what you've learned during this relationship. You already said you regret a few of your emails and actions. So take note of that and make sure to act more appropriately next time. It's OK that you made mistakes ... but learn from them and move on. As you continue dating, you're going to figure out how to handle certain situations better -- but something you've got to decide right now are your moral boundaries. Be responsible. Be respectful of yourself and your body and do your best to do what's right.

Thanks so much for reading. PLEASE tell your friends. I would truly appreciate it.