Facebook Crush Causes Depression, Sadness

Dear Dee:
I know a lot of notes start like this, but here it goes.

So there is this guy ... he is smart and fun to be around. We talk everyday on Facebook and he tries to get together with me every week.

A few days ago, he says "I really like (name omitted), but I can't think of a place to take her out." It hurt to hear, but I didn't want to seem like I thought of him romantically. So, like an idiot, I started suggesting places.

Now ever since, we still talk, but I'm depressed. I'll just be sitting around and all of a sudden burst into tears. Now I feel like the person in the movie, who likes the guy, but he likes the popular girl in school. Do you know what can be done?

Sounds like you hit this curve ball out of the park when this guy sprung his dating dilemma on you. Good job.

But here's the rub: You can either continue to suffer in private, secretive pain while he dates this other person, or you can let him know how you feel. See, in movies, it seems cool for the 'girl who likes the guy who likes another girl' to wait until the guy sees how wonderful the girl is, but in real life, it doesn't always work like that.

Don't get me wrong: It happens. But most of the time, the person who goes after what she wants gets what she wants. You never know, he could've been testing you to see if you'd say something back like 'why you taking her to dinner ... isn't it my turn' or 'Well, how about you take her to McDonald's and me to Red Lobster ... I seem more your type.' He may have been gauging whether or not you liked him by seeing how you reacted to another girl. It's silly, but guys do that sometimes.

Anyway, you know your situation best, but I think you can be subtle and find out if you have a chance with him. Don't wait idly by and burst into tears everytime you think about it. Dry those eyes and do something about your pain. And if he's not interested, it's best to know than to always wonder. You can then deal with your disappointment, mourn it and move on.

Also, while I understand your depression (I've been there myself), remember happiness is a choice. Yes, you're hurting but don't let this overtake you or let your sadness define you. You're a beautiful, wonderful person with many opportunities. Do not let your happiness live and die with a guy on Facebook. We really spend too much time letting our happiness depend on other people ... when we should take charge ourselves and realize we're going to be happy regardless of what others say or do.

Now, just as a side note: You didn't really mention if you know this guy from school as well. You definitely said you talk on Facebook, which is fine, but if he's not a personal acquaintance, be careful. I don't condone meeting and hooking up with people online --when you don't really, really know them. I am assuming, since it's Facebook, you probably know him from another area of your life. But still, I had to say it (I'm cautious like that ...).

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Happiness is a choice.

Exactly what I needed to hear, since a woman I love (in the "friend zone" here and always full of hope) is moving far away.

Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes it's tough when you have a crush on someone and don't know if they like you back. You feel embarrassed to tell them in case they don't feel the same way. But nowadays with websites like crushmatch.co, you can find out if they are interested in you without any risk at all. Try not to let the Internet make you sad. Let it help you!

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