I Love Him, But He's Wrong for Me

Dear Dee:
I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, I really care and love him, but he tries to keep me away from my friends and the life I love and am used to.

He tries real hard to keep me all to himself and he believes when you're in a relationship you shouldn't have those things anymore. What really hurts is I honestly love this guy, but I know I would not be happy with him in the long haul, which kills me.

I think he would do something stupid if I left him (suicide). I'm serious when I say if he ever did something like that, it would literally destroy me. Should I try to make him get over me before I end it? Because that's what I've been trying to do. I just don't know anymore, all of this is hurting me everyday so badly.

Get out now. Get out now. Get out now. The longer you wait, the harder it will be and the more attached/demanding of you this guy will become. If he's this way while you're dating, I can only imagine it getting worse later on ...

Sweetheart, this is not a normal or healthy relationship. It is based on control and manipulation. This guy is controlling your interaction with friends and family and he is manipulating you by telling you he'd hurt himself if you'd leave. I am sure there are other things, too -- but these are the two jumping out at me.

You have a right to life outside and apart from this relationship. Even in marriages, people still have their own friends, their own interests and time to themselves. It's absolutely absurd, and borderline abusive for him to control every aspect of your life. AND you don't have to put up with it!

You say it yourself: You love him, but he's not the guy for you. Realizing that is HUGE. People fall in love with the wrong person all the time. Unfortunately, most don't realize it until real damage is done or they make big commitments. So, you've discovered it. Now, get out of it, take time to heal and move on.

There is no easy way to ever end a relationship, especially when strong emotions are involved. But you have to do it. In this situation, your health and happiness depend on it. Be strong, and if you have to, take someone you trust and respect with you to break up with this guy. Don't do it alone. I fear there's a chance he'd get violent and I don't want you in harm's way.

Be prepared. He will get angry. And he more than likely will try to talk you out of breaking it off with him. He might even threaten to harm you or himself. But you have got to be strong. As of this moment, you need to look after yourself. So, instruct the person with you to help you walk away after you've said what you need to.

I'd like to also say, if you feel threatened or in any way in danger from this guy, take all necessary precautions. Talk to an adult you trust right away and ask him/her to help you and advise you on what to do.

I know I am saying some pretty extreme/scary things -- but I worry. The type of behavior he's exhibited towards you is unpredictable. And I want you to be safe. If you need to talk to someone, and don't feel you can reach out to anyone around you, please contact someone at one of the Help Hotlines I have listed.

Be strong. Be safe and most of all, remember you are important and deserve so much more. Now, go after it.