Girl Down on Self Needs to See Her Potential

Dear Dee:
I'm a 16-year-old girl and I really hate myself. I never think I look right or act right and at the moment I'm pretty paranoid.

At school I'm known as the shy one who never has anything to say but people just don't understand. I find it so hard to say what I think. I have a small group of friends and they are all great but I want to make more friends. I want to know other people could like me.

I'm embarrassed to say I've never been kissed by a boy and have only had 2 really short relationships so surely there's something wrong with me. People obviously think there is. I'm ugly, well I think I am anyway. When people say I'm not, I want to believe them so badly but I just think they are being nice to me because I'm a total reject.

I hate feeling like this and everything's just getting worse. I really need some help and I guess I just don't know how to get it. I've been thinking about suicide and clearly don't want to go down that route. How can I stop hating myself so much and just accept the way I am?

Listen, I am not a professional therapist and can not give you clinical advice at all. And if you feel like you are going to harm yourself -- or others -- you need to talk to an adult you trust right away. This is not a laughing matter. Call someone on my list of Hotlines and Help Contacts. This type of situation is exactly why these resources were created.

Suicide is a very permanent solution to very, very temporary problems. Part of life is learning how to get through these rough patches and come out stronger, wiser and a much better person. And you can get through this. Nothing you're going through right now is devastating or beyond help. You've just got to determine within yourself to deal with it and learn from it.

You are a beautiful young woman with promise. The way you're feeling right now, you might not see that, but there is no one in this world exactly like you. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and created for a purpose that can only be filled by you. And while you may not see that right this very second, it's a promise you will come to realize in time. So believe it. Hold this truth close to your heart and whenever you feel crappy, remember it. Use this truth to help you appreciate yourself and what you have to offer this world.

You're upset because you haven't been kissed or had many relationships. But if you really think about this, how can you expect people to gravitate towards you or want to be with you if you can't love yourself. I know it sounds silly, but it's true! Seems right now, you're so caught up in self-pity, it would be difficult for others to be with you.

Honey, you say you want to stop feeling like this. So just stop then. Stop dwelling on the things about yourself that make you unhappy and start focusing on what you love about life. What are your hobbies? What do you enjoy doing? Maybe even dive into some charity work so you can stop thinking about yourself and put energy into others. Work on understanding that sometimes, it's not all about us or the way we feel -- and rewards are reaped in big ways when we focus on others.

Challenge yourself constantly. You want more friends? Then make it a point to meet new people! Swallow that shyness and try to say hello to a new person every single week. Step out of your comfort zone and instead of walking by a group of people with your head down, hold your head up high and smile when you pass. Even these small steps will make you feel better about yourself and make others look at you a little differently.

Don't read into your friends' compliments. When they tell you you're a pretty girl, soak that in! Don't dissect the compliment and question their motives. Are you honest with your friends when you compliment them? Sure you are! So don't insult your friends by expecting them to be anything less than truthful.

Lastly, believe in yourself and your ability to be beautiful -- inside and out. And I promise you, once you do this -- really, really do it -- you'll see a difference in how people react towards you. Again, you are a special young lady. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and you're haven't even begun to experience your full, exciting and excellent potential.

don't doubt it. Just seek it.