OK For a 16-Year-Old to Date 20-Year-Old?

Dear Dee:
I am a 16-year-old girl but I have a body of a 21-year-old. Since my body looks older, I have always acted more mature then anyone else. I'm writing because I have never had a boyfriend. All the guys my age think I'm 20 or something.

And all the guys who ask me for my number or ask me on a date are 18 - 22. I'm so tired of saying 'no' to them especially when I think they are cute. My older brother came back from college and brought home a friend. I like him and he likes me so we exchanged numbers.

I made sure I didn't find out his age and he didn't find out mine just to see if age was really just a number. So we were talking for like 2 months and we finally kissed. That's when I decided to ask him his age. He said 20. Then I told him to guess my age and he said 19 or 20. When I told him my age he didn't even care. He said he liked me for who I am and he was glad I didn't tell him my age before because he would have never gotten to know me on this level. Now we've been going out for 6 months.

So my question is ... is age just a number or is it wrong for a 16 and 20 yr old to be together?

I can't really believe this guy didn't know how old you are/were. He's your brother's friend. And I am sure, after meeting you, he asked your brother about you. And come on. You had an idea of how old he was, because he's friends with your brother. So while you saying 'you deliberately' didn't ask age, you knew. Anyway, this isn't the issue.

The issue is this: I believe in most states, it's illegal for a 20-year-old to 'date' a minor. And the first thing coming to my mind when I read your situation is this guy just wants something from you -- and it doesn't seem to be a long-term relationship.

You are 16. And while it's way cool for you to date a 20-year-old, does it really make sense a college boy would chance his 'cool' factor by telling his college friends he's dating a 16-year-old sophomore/junior in high school? It doesn't seem to add up. Sure, there are the rare exceptions out there but it's not the norm. Don't take that the wrong way. It's not being said to be mean ... Can you see how your situation doesn't make sense? It's like a senior in high school dating a freshman ... doesn't really happen that often ...

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your brother, but if he's a typical big brother who's rather protective of his little sis, maybe he'd have a few things to say about his friend. Does he approve of you dating? Does he even know it?

Age isn't just a number at your age. There are too many personal and emotional differences between a 16-year-old and a 20-year-old. You are still in high school -- figuring out what your next steps are and are getting guidance from your parents. He's in college, hopefully with a career path in mind and is making many of his own decisions. He probably has more experience with relationships and sexual situations than you do -- and could pressure you into things you're not ready for. I'd also worry you'd not feel comfortable saying 'no' in order to not come off younger and inexperienced.

Later in life, age is less of an issue when, as an adult you've gained more life experience and you can make more informed decisions.

Regardless of whether or not you look it, you are 16. You need to experience things a 16-year-old would experience -- with peers or those a few years older than you. Learn to drive. Get your license. Celebrate high school. Enjoy your beautiful figure by respecting your body and not getting into situations you're not yet ready to handle. Don't grow up too fast. And, don't be deceptive about your age. This is very, very important.

Sorry I can't say what you want to hear. But regardless of whether you take my advice or not, I do hope you will think this situation through very carefully and at least be aware.