Long-Distance Advice: But First, a Lecture

Dear Dee:
My boyfriend and I live in different towns. It takes two hours to get to the town he lives in. We met at a hotel. I had a boyfriend at the time but I was bored. We had fun and I broke up with my then boyfriend, now we've been together since the first week in December but the problem is thanks to the distance, we're drifting. I really like this guy and I want to try and fix this relationship before it's too late. So what can I do?

So let me first get on your case a little about starting a relationship with someone else while you were already involved with someone else ... Shame on you. Not cool. And, being bored isn't a reason or excuse. It's actually quite pitiful ... You wouldn't want a boyfriend of yours to do that very same thing, would you? It would hurt. So ... please, try to treat those you have relationships right -- with respect and dignity. (OK, I am stepping off my soap box)

Now, to the issue at hand: Long distance relationships are tough! The most important component in making them work is communication. And, with all the tech today, it seems like it's pretty easy to keep in touch!

Of course, though, nothing really makes up for face time, right? Both of you have to make a real effort to stay committed and to keep things moving forward. It sounds like you're interested in keeping the flame alive, but is he?

It's important for you to simply talk to him -- tell him you want your relationship to work and that it means a lot to you. Put it all out there on the table and see what he has to say. While you're showing your willing to put up with the distance, it just may not be something he can deal with. You know him ... what type of signals is he giving off?

If you two love each other, there is no reason you can't make this work. It is just going to take a lot of commitment, time and ... (here's this word again) work. Most long distance relationships struggle because of 'out of sight, out of mind.' Work extra hard to make this cliche' completely untrue in your case.

Reserve time, whether it be on the phone, thru email or whatever to actually work on your relationship. Have phone dates, text dates or even write old-fashioned letters. Long-distance relationships are hard on a couple, but if you use the time a part as chance to really get to know each other, then when you're together, you will have a new appreciation and knowledge for one another. It can truly be an adventure.

I apologize for the lecture. I hope you know I want the best for you -- I mean it. And I really hope it works out ... two hours isn't that bad ...so I hope you can make it work.

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