He's Not Ready for a Relationship

Dear Dee:
Well I heard about your website and I thought coming to you for advice would be the best idea. There's this guy I like ... I mean REALLY LIKE ... almost to the point where I think I'm in love.

We've been talking for about 3 months now, and he's told me he liked me a lot, too. Just a couple days ago he said he loved me. Throughout the times we've been talking, we've gotten closer and closer. I trust him with anything, I know he's got my back and all and he just seems so perfect. His friends come up to me all the time talking about how much he talks about me, and it seemed like everybody knew about us.

We aren't going out, but with the kind of relationship we had, it seemed as if that's what the next step was going to be. But just recently, he calls me up with the strangest thing ever... He tells me he "isn't ready for a relationship."

This has me thinking, because he totally made me think we were going somewhere with this. I mean, I respect him for actually telling me this beforehand so I wouldn't get hurt, but I am and it's killing me.

How do I know if he's still willing to be with me, but just not RIGHT NOW? And would it be the best idea for me to wait for him? We agreed on having nothing change in our relationship but I don't see how that's possible if were not aiming for anything.

I have NO PROBLEM staying friends with him. But it's been so long and I like him so much, I really want to be in a relationship. I'm totally confused. HELP.

Whoa. This is harsh. He actually should've told you a long time ago he didn't want a relationship. Seriously! He should've blurted that out the very second you two started talking about feelings of any kind. And really, that's just kind of something you discuss when you talk as much as it seems the two of you do. So, this is most definitely a strike against this guy in my book.

Asking him if you should wait won't do you any good. It makes you appear desperate and that never really plays well with guys. So while it's painful, you should try your hardest to move on. Cut back on the conversations. Pull back enough to make him notice but not enough to destroy your friendship.

This will accomplish one of two things: Help you get over him OR make him realize he really DOES want to get with you and he doesn't want to lose you. I am not saying that's what's going to happen, but who knows, right? He might just be taking you for granted right now thinking you'll always be there for him. And you pulling back a little might be all it takes to let him know he's not calling all the shots in your relationship.

Take care of yourself here. He's already stepped on you once and we don't want that to happen again. So this seems like the best approach. Please let me know what happens and don't get discouraged. If this one doesn't work out there are TONS of great guys out there ... and most are just looking for a great girl like you to have a relationship with.